2006/11/01

Fa(c)ulty

A quick stroll down the memory lane... Some in the compendium were the top moments of the courses, others are mere digs at professorial pronunciations.

Semester One

Workshop - Turning.
Mr Chellapandian: Which direction should you turn for this symbol?
Students: Anti-clockwise, sir.
Mr Chellapandian: Hello?
Students: Anti-clockwise, sir.
Mr Chellapandian: Hello?
Students: Anti-clockwise, sir.
Mr Chellapandian: Hello?
Students: Anti-clockwise, sir.
He pauses...
Tick.
Tick.
Mr Chellapandian: Yes...anti-clockwise.

Workshop - Electronics.
The chappie there has perfected the knack of convincingly misleading the student. For instance...
Mr Veeramani: The diode conducts in reverse bias and blocks in forward bias, na?
Me: Yes.
Mr Veeramani: No.

MA101
Disposed to talking only Mathematics within the confines of the classoom, the prof shelled us with this one day during the culminating stages of the course. He was taking roll call.
Dr Vetrivel: Twenty one. Twenty two. Twenty three.
Suddenly looks up at us
There was a joke.
We quieten.
A professor noted that one of his students attended only the first class. Out of mercy he was allowed to write the exam. And he topped the class with 98 percent!
The professor sought him out and asked him 'How did you lose the two marks?'
He said 'Sir, I made a silly mistake.'
'What is it?' '
'I attended the first class.'
Without waiting for the laughs, he looks down and proceeds...
Twenty four. Twenty five...

ID110
Dr Raghuprakash: There is an important announcement I've got to make. One of you has hacked my account in the courses website and changed my password and posted a thread that the final examination is cancelled. Never before in all my years of teaching experience blah blah...

CS110
(1) Dr N S Narayanaswamy: Do you know who Gulzarilal Nanda was? Can anybody hazard a guess? He was the acting Prime Minister of India after the death of Lal Bahadur Shastri. Please make a note of it and don't tell it to your friends who didn't turn up today. I want to give you a surprise quiz sooner or later and I may ask this question in it. I will know then who attended this class and who did not.
(2) Question Number Zero worth a mark in his end-semester examination: What is the name of your teaching assistant (in the lab)?
I wrote 'The question is invalid. Since I am not a professor I have no teaching assistants. It was Prof N S Narayanaswamy's teaching assistant who evaluated my lab assignments.'

CY101
Dr A K Mishra: Above this line is the gaseous jone and below is the liquid jone...

Semester Two

PH102
Dr Kavita Durai: Radial potential vee of aur is equal to one over four pi epsilon nought into sigma ell runs from zero to infinity one over aur power ell plus one into volume integral of aur prime to the power ell into pee ell cos theta prime into ro of aur prime dee tau prime.
Isn't this equation CUUUTE?

CY102
The so-called prof asks something about a trend in the third group of the periodic table, and invites a girl to stand and answer it. Goes near her and listens. Then...
Dr N N Murthy: Hello, boys, don't make noise and listen to what she says, you gnaw. Why do you think I'm making her say the answer? It is for your benefit, you gnaw, not because I want to talk to her or something.
Applause.
She says the size matters.
Roar from the student body.
But you gnaw I say it is the ENERGY that matters.
Everyone drums the bench wildly.

ME112
This gentleman, a perfect work of imitation-art by the Almighty (a flawless replica of an over-fed gorilla), hails from HIS centre of the earth, a town called Guntur. A common tableau in his class...
Raja Rao: Where are you from?
Student: A.P.
Raja Rao: Orissa border to Tamil Nadu border, Karnataka border to Bay of Bengal coast is A.P., man. Which city from Andhra? Guntur?

ME110
Dr Babu Vishwanath: The Second Law of Thermodynamics says 'The entropy of the universe is ever-increasing.' To put it simply, we say, 'Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.'

Semester Three.

MA201
Dr S Ponnusamy: We cannot odd the two corresponding co-efficients of the two power serious.
(Hint: We cannot add...power series)

PH201
Dr S Ramaprabhu: A litchil bitch of practchice is required chu do these prablems... In the exam you have chu solve them within a short chime...

EC101
Somebody please teach the man how to laugh. He cracks jokes alright, but with an impassive countenance and never even smiles when he says them, and you are not certain if you can laugh for his jest or not. The first day of his course...
Dr C S Ramalingam: I would like all of you maintain a good attendance record. Unless it is an emergency you just cannot afford to miss the classes in this course. I also insist on listening in class... Listening and attendance are related. I suspect it will be a bit difficult for you to listen to the lecture if you do not attend the class...

HS324
These were the very first words uttered by the professor in the course. It was also my very first class of the second year. The name of the course is 'Shakespeare'.
Dr Jyotirmaye Tripathy: What do you know abhout Sex Fear? Was Sex Fear a nobalist? Or a poet? Or a dromotist? Or eberything? Doj anybhody know?

24 Obiter dicta:

Blogger Durga couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

cool post! you can hear 'jone' from quite a few profs. for cs110 u seriously wrote that as the answer???? if the ta had shown NSN, he wud hav had a good laugh. and 'sex fear'????? seriously none of u told me it sounded like that.. LOL..

7:52 PM  
Blogger Chinnu couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Yes, of course I wrote that answer in the CS110 exam.
There are many other unhearable things the Sex Fear professor discourses in class.

10:40 PM  
Blogger Chinnu couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

I should rather have said 'unbloggable' in the place of 'unhearable'.

8:24 AM  
Anonymous poornima couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

what happened to hutch tending to infinity? Half the time we used to think it was hacccccccchoooooooooooo and the prof had perennial cold!!! hehehe!!

9:44 PM  
Blogger Chinnu couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

How on earth did I forget that? And 'aunty-clockwise'!

11:15 PM  
Blogger Srinand couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

kool, nice post....

12:20 AM  
Anonymous vettri couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

u left that gorilla's dialogue,

"Jintilmon....... every one in the class should get above class average."

6:02 PM  
Anonymous lavanya couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

good one, every coll has talented profs i guess like this!

12:23 PM  
Blogger unni krishnan couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

i suppose our departments pet gorrila is our dearly beloved, HOD..
he smells everything boss, so shant comment anything more...

4:08 PM  
Blogger Sai couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Highest funda!!!

I'm adding to it

In the fitting workshop-

Ganesh is blowing away the dust on top of the cylinder that he has been filing, when, the one and only MuthuRajan passes by.

Seeing what Ganc was doing, he says "Hey you. Dont blow-job!!!"

7:39 PM  
Blogger Munnu (Santosh) couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

brilliant post! How I miss all the fun now !

9:52 AM  
Anonymous Dr. V. Vetrivel couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Please see me in my office at the earliest.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous Narayanaswamy NS couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Please see me too in my office at the earliest.

3:35 PM  
Blogger g2 couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Lol!!!

sex fear is awesome... so is the periodic table

7:01 PM  
Blogger Moli couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

ROTFL

3:31 PM  
Anonymous kaNNadAsan kirubAgaran couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Awesome post. That's a perfect one on Prof. Ramaprabhu. I liked the Sex Fear one as well, although I've never done a course under him. Also brings memories of Raja Rao - it used to be terrible in his classes.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Ram couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Hilarious one da!!! u shd have included the OTech prof's "Tsunami Ginami and all" in ID 120... that was lol max

10:29 PM  
Blogger avinash couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

great....had a nice laugh!!

11:57 AM  
Blogger yesvikas couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

And how about Lakshminarasimhan in AM110 - "EVERY particle follows its trajectory"

I lost all faith in App Mech dept after that (he's the HoD I think) :D

8:53 PM  
Blogger TooL couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

this is awesome..the comment mentioning muthurajan got me ROTFL..

A few more from Raja Rao:
-What man? Are you the drawer of this drawing?
-Observe the frequenticities with which some symbols appear
-Before the quiz: I want to congratulate you all for the quiz.

7:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Loved the post. Brought back a flood of pleasant memories.

6:40 PM  
Blogger Anirudh couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

A real good one da. Honestly, the workshop guys are too funny.

6:46 PM  
Blogger N couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

yesvikas,
I've blogged about that :)
[http://spelligmitsakes.blogspot.com/2007/08/coatable-coats-i.html#links]

11:38 PM  
Anonymous C.S. Ramalingam couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Since coming to know that I don't know how to laugh, I have been trying very heard and finally succeeded in learning to smile. But learning to laugh is a different kettle of fish altogether---perhaps not in this lifetime...

CSR

11:00 AM  

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