2007/07/12

Punnishable Offences

$Question: What does 'P.P.' stand for?

Why did the gloomy man go down to the wine-cellar?
His spirits were low.

Traditional sheep-fodder is no longer in ewes.

What is the difference between (a) a crocodile let loose among goat shelters, and (b) a glycerine-eyed actor playing a kindly vicar?
(a)A crocodile tears apart prey's sheds.
(b)A part prays, sheds crocodile tears.

A novelist tried to write a story while bungee-jumping.
He was killed in the proses.

How come lions appear in groups only in summer?
Pride cometh before the fall. *

Why was the drunk skipper of the ship petrified when he spilt red wine on the right-hand rails?
He saw his port touch the starboard.

___________________________________________________
I fancy this is the, or at worst my, shortest sci-fi piece on record...


The Time-Tro
tter

Twice upon a time there lived a physicist.
_____________________________________________________________

Why did the multiple ship owners chuckle at the newbie setting out in the industry?
He was a one-liner man.

The Special Theory of Relativity:
A rolling stone gathers mass.

Can you name 02 two-hyphen-containing nineteen-letter-words?

How does a urinal behave like a (wo)man?
When it gets pissed, it flushes.

Change in kinetic energy =
Integral v1 to v2 of mvdv
mv = momentum = p
ΔKE =
Integral v1 to v2 of pdv ...(1)
Work done [by a gas] =
Integral V1 to V2 of pdV ...(2)
From (1) and (2), merely by changing lower case of v to the upper, we have proved that
Work done = Change in kinetic energy, thus establishing the Work-Energy Theorem.

$Answer: Read the papers. She stands for Indian President. So does B.S. Shekhawat.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*(i) I gently remind verbal amnesiacs that a collection of lions is a pride.
(ii) Erudite circles will scorn at the usage of the in a's stead. Can't help it, sorry.



8 Obiter dicta:

Anonymous Unni couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Ok, some of these I recieved on my phone.
The shortest sci-fi...good boss..
I even narrated it to my friends, they were indifferent (I think they didnt understand the mystery behind the story) and said "You and your weirdo friends!"
Well, the best compliments...dont you think?

8:15 PM  
Blogger Frame couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Yeah... what a short sci-fi! that was easily the best! However, I must say, I've had my doze of these for the day.

3:31 PM  
Anonymous pratyu couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

a rollin stone gathers m( )ss
empty vessels make more noise
.
.
.
a marlin jar collects lol's!

kiddin!

nice one!

3:55 PM  
Blogger Saumya couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Snapped right back into shape. Thanks for your concern! Your blog helped me regain my smile.

As for the co-incidences, I haven't read your post which mentions bungee jumping. Your root-canal post came my way when I was preparing to go see my dentist for this nagging toothache that refused to go. Just got over with the procedure a couple of days back. Incredible it may seem to you, but two people can have teeth-related problems at he same time. It would be unwise in any case to plagiarise from one of the only bloggers who ever read my posts, wouldn't it?

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Nirmal couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Unni,
Absolutely!
I have noticed many somebodies that spell 'weird' as 'wierd'. You have scored well on that count. But how come you recieved on your phone?
Frame,
Flattered, friend!
Pratyu,
Tee-hee! Thank you.
Saumya,
Glad you've pieced the fragments together. Gladder to be of service in the process.
Oh, a supereventful life has programmed me such that nothing is incredible to me, and definitely not simultaneous dental nags. That is the reason why I said 'I more than half-believe this is a strict co-incidence'. And I wasn't in the least talking of plagiarization :) I was simply curious to know if you drew inspiration from this blog, nothing more...

10:47 AM  
Blogger Mohan K.V couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Flash fiction, my favourite! Nice one! You should look at this, if you haven't aleady:

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/sixwords.html

2:05 AM  
Blogger Poornima couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

He saw his port touch the starboard. This is the best!!! [:D]

5:04 PM  
Blogger Saucerer couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

What happened to the sailors of the red boat when they hit the blue boat?
They got marooned!!

9:26 PM  

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