F.A.Q. on E.P.

The name being quaint for a B Tech branch, our bloods Boyle every time we're asked these Millikan Dollar Questions:

"Watt do you do in EP?"

Every working week (from Monday to Faraday), our time is spent Moseley in exploring nuclear physics, statistical physics, quantum physics and curvy physiques. Not to mention making PJ's, Poynting out profs' blackboard errors, thieving lab equipment and Hawking them in streets.

"Do you have a bright scope after B Tech?"

A difficult Curie to answer. All we can say is our early seniors' success Gibbs us some hope.

"Why just about 10 people in your branch?"

Our small strength is our biggest strength. That's Gauss we believe too many cooks spoil de Broglie.

"Why was this branch created in the first place?"

That's a Rayleigh nasty question. It Hertz our feelings. Anyway, a necessity to Hooke Physics with Engineering was felt. Hence our dept. profs, both old and Young, went to ESB with their Bose and arrows and said: 'Next time it will be LASER-guided Tomahawks and H-bombs if you don't agree to our terms.'
Thus EP was Born.

"Your contributions to IITM?"

We don't want to Bragg about ourselves and Bohr you to death.

Quotes I

'You are all young practically'
-- Dr Murthy in class.

'It seems it has to be so.. ah! fuck it! fuck it.. I am going to sleep'
-- Dr Flea, upon being questioned on why he wanted to complete his novel before graduating.

'A particle never leaves its trajectory'
-- Dr L Narasimhan, ApMech prof.ⁱ

'Teleporting ourself into that world is possible in the future'
-- Fishy, referring to the virtual world inside Quakelike computer games, while defending a point in an argument on sci-fi.

'That's not my matter raa'
-- "Dhanno" Vasuram, answering to why he didn't even touch the switch nearby when from across the class I had gestured to him to turn on the fan above me.

'One writes to sublimely offset one's sexual incapacity'
-- Nirmal, to Dr Flea's question 'Why does one write?'

'Internets are available to everybody'
-- Dr Murthy in class.

'It is not important whom you love. It is just important that you love.'
-- Poornima.

'The process is in waiting.'
-- Pseudo-Jeevesical server at Tiffany's, when inquired about the status of the dosa ordered.ⁱⁱ

'All of you must get above class average'
-- Rajarao.

'That's your problem'
-- Srinand, hearing of my lack of belief in 'soul' and 'God'.

'Why?'
-- Saudi, on reading my status message 'I have blocked everyone on GTalk except you'

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i : As quoted by Aashish.
ii: As quoted by Pratyusha.

Keeping The Record Straight

Drinking glasses in CR are cylindrical.
I asked Akhil to pass me one as I settled down for lunch. A spot of silence prompted me to contribute to the din of the mess.
'Why', I philosophized, 'are these called glasses? They are made of steel...'
'OK, tumbler', said somebody [I don't remember who].
'Again, why are they called tumblers? They don't keep tumbling always!'
'Then what will you call them?'
I eyed the thing for an instant.
'From its shape, I'd call it a metal beaker.'
A quiet agreement went around the table and I bent down to dig the meal.
The thunder changed hands. Vikas, in his spookily polite manner said: 'Why is it called a beaker?'

* * * * *

[Fishy asked me to give a detailed description of this episode. Let me do just that.]

I dismount at the Gurunath parking lot, kick out the side-stand, slip the key into my pocket and walk towards the coffee vendor.

As arranged, Fishy awaits me, and we purchase the ersatz coffee IITM has got accustomed to.
We find no chair unbottomed.
I suggest the Himalaya lawn.
He prefers to walk.
Which way?
He asks me to pick between left and right.
I vote for the latter.
We beat the path a bit.
Before you could say 'Flippitty Chip', we sit at the Narmada bus stop.
We chat on this, we chat on that, we chat on this and that.
We empty the cups and bin them.
The all-important topic of British sitcoms comes up as we walk back.
He contends that I would get addicted to Coupling.
I try to draw him to Blackadder through quoting.

"Your brain, Baldrick, is like the four headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen."
"In what way, sir? "
"It doesn't exist."

"You're the worst cook in the entire world. There are amoeba on Saturn who can boil a better egg than you."

"Now why in heaven's name are you dressed up like that, Baldrick?"
"There's a long answer, and a short answer, my lord."
"Tell us the short one first."
"Whim."
"And the long answer is -- ?"
"It was a whim."

He in turn sells me Coupling and quotes its punchlines.
They are unprintable.
We cross the Alumni Association and reach the mouth of the road that leads to Sangam and Alakananda.
We promise to watch each other's favourite sitcom.
We trade goodnights.
We part.

I amble toward Saraswathi, all set for the hit-bed-get-shuteye routine.
Sangam comes in view.
My mobile buzzes.
SMS from Fishy.
'Come back'
I go back, full of curiosity.
I see him at the T junction.
'What is it?' I cry.
He runs a finger or two through his hair.
'Didn't you come by your cycle?'

* * * * *

Half the Physics Dept was watching Dhoom in the bus returning from SHAR [Satish Dhawan Space Centre, Sriharikota]. In the climax, John Abraham, the fastest biker in the movie, dodges the good guys, hops on to his Suzuki and zips. He tears a straight line at top speed -- but by a logic unique only to the ollywoods, Uday Chopra and the Small B, from whom Abraham made his escape only now, stand yards in front of him.
I raised the point.
Immediately Fishy responded:
'They went around the world and came back on the other side!'

* * * * *

We start out on Monday energetically. But when we reach Friday evening, we get weakened.

Comments On 'Figuring It Out'

Frame said
before I go ahead with the +basics.
LOL
LOL
LOl

=================

Aditya said
Interesting, but a serious post deserves a serious comment. There is a theory that says that we humans are exceptionally gifted at recognizing patterns and connecting them with things we encounter in daily life. For example, faces. Remember the face on mars? I personally believe that if we look hard enough at something for patterns, such parallels would be rampant. We 'create' these patterns in our minds, and convince ourselves that the parallels are uncanny.

=================

Srinand said
Enlightening, and that ppl loling problem i too face, dun worry, u ain;t alone... fate of all blog writers....

=================

Doktor said
Ok, I havent heard this before...nor read it. It is interesting to know how our forbears (Why dont we call them formen?? pj; i know...) came up with that...It is actually, when I think about it, quite Indian/Arabian like...take everything from nature...but, then again, to come up with those runcs, with that logic is, absolutely ingenious, because it makes sense to me.
Now, since you've talked of numbers, and Mr. Aditya has talked of Faces, this comment of mine would only be complete if I tell you what Pamuk in his "black book" pointed at one point in the book...The protagonist of the story finds himself seeing turkish alphabets in the faces of humans; he finds turkish, "aliph"s and etc etc written all over the faces. Having said that...
I wonder...if anyone could point out to me, any letter of any of the indian languages, or since we are all english speaking fellows, any english letters, on any one's face...
question : What would then, one call the spot where one finds the letter G???

=================

Frame said
btw, there are more simpler explanations to the bizzare nature of the number symbols!One is just one line. Two lines written horizontally and parallelly quickly can give you the Gothic 2,which transformed into the present two. Three rows makes 3. The quick + which is in some sense a four stick arrangement gives 4! It's all about speed is what this theory says! ++++

Mysterious notes in the end of the post!

+++ -- This is as per the seriousness quotients desired by the seriousness of the post!

=================

Saumya said
Hmm. But these numbers look different in devnagari and arabic scripts.

=================

Doktor again.... said
“Hurufism, is the science of the secret meaning of the Arabic letters. This Islamic cabbalistic philosophy, which was founded and propagated by Fazlallah of Astarabad in Khorasan in the 14th century, was within a short time condemned by the ulema as heresy. According to the Hurufis, sound and language are the most obvious proofs of existence, and the Arabic letters with which the Koran has been written, are manifestations of God. And because human beings are extensions of the godhead, it is possible to read these letters in their faces. However — at least in Orhan Pamuk's version of Hurufism — it is easier to read the letters in the faces of some people than of others. From the great number of drawings found in Turkey, depicting human faces and animals consisting of Arabic letters, it is clear that Hurufism was especially prominent in Anatolian Islam.”- ORHAN PAMUK AND HIS "BLACK BOOK", Bernt Brendemoen

=================

Durga said
ur serious post did have a 'funny' beginning.. anyway interesting post.. haven't really thought abt it.. but i see some nice theories here which have deep roots..

=================

Anon Vegetarian said

Aditya's comment reminds me of the following lines from Hamlet:

Ham. Do you see yonder cloud that’s almost in shape of a camel?
Pol. By the mass, and ’tis like a camel, indeed.
Ham. Methinks it is like a weasel.
Pol. It is backed like a weasel.
Ham. Or like a whale?
Pol. Very like a whale.

=================

Nirmal said

It is interesting to note the influx of nine comments well within twenty four hours of this post's publication. I have drawn my conclusions. Anyhow, thank you one and all.

Frame,
What was so amusing?
What does 'bizzare' mean?
And the "simpler" theory looks attractive enough. I can extend it to 5 -- five lines if the bends are chamfered, and 6 -- another line thrown in. This much is fine for a senary system*. But what about 7, 8 and 9? [0 is an open-and-shut case]
Aditya,
Yes, we all make connective patterns out of bizarre things in our bizarre minds and we know it. I don't see why they make a theory out of it. It's like saying there's a theory that urbaners tend to take an interest in the life habits of tribes. I have already mailed you re constellations in the context of your comment. There's another thing... There's a wonderful game you must have played: Draw a simple design, often made up with two or three lines (curved, straight,etc) and give it to the other player. (S)he must complete the picture as his/her immediate imagination dictates.
Srinand,
Glad to be of service. And oh, I don't worry. If someone laughs at you (not laugh at your words, but at you), it simply is a subversion of their fear -- the fear of the possibility that you may be better than what they thought. Or better than them.
Doktor,
Thanks for the info. And as for your question on the letter G, sorry, I cannot write such things here even implic(l)itly.
Saumya,
Only a shade different in Devnagiri script. Radically different in the Tamil script. The Tamil system of digits borrows directly from the Tamil alphabet.
Durga,
To interest was my intent. Thanks. I say, the comment-pages must not be par-hidden like this.
Anon vegetarian,
Nice! :)
Asserts my belief that when it comes to characterization through dialogue, the rest lag behind the Bard by several furlongs!
Who may you be?

* numeral system of base 06.

=================

parseval said
Lot's of things to say, so I'll type them quickly.

(i) Regarding Hurufism, it is most definitely NOT a science in any imaginable way whatsoever.
(ii) Regarding the pattern recognition ability that AJ bought up, there's a nice theory which I think Richard Dawkins first mentioned in his book, the selfish gene. He says that there's a definite evolutionary advantage in rapidly recognizing "faces", because the "cost" of missing a face can be very high. For example, in a small population, it may result in foregoing an opportunity to reproduce, or miss facial signals like aggression and rage which could result in harm. This is why we tend to mistake shadows for people, but usually not the other way around.

(iii) N, our digits may have a bearing with the monthly stages of a human foetus, but they can also have a bearing with other things, It's just a question of imagination and creativity.

Remember that the people then did not have ultrasonography to know the shape of the foetus.

=================

N said

Parseval,
Thanks for (i) and (ii). I know nothing about Hurufism as yet.
And as regards (iii), well I am not defending myself when I say that I missed a vital point -- the monthly development stages of a foetus were known long before the advent of (ultra)sonography. When a pregnant woman dies, she and her foetus were buried separately [I don't know if the practice is followed today].
Hence if ten symbols are associated with ten different chronologically strung things, the coincidence stretches too far if it's just a mapping made by someone of these times.
And yes, our digits may have a bearing with other things too. It would be rude of me to ask you for examples. But I only reckon that it's tough to find a set of ten logically related things, with the whole set connected to the set of digits.
Aditya,
I see I have not explained the game clearly. He/she must complete the picture -- and the picture must be an object we see in everyday life.

=================

Srinand said
True... I was discussing the same thing with Moli one day. We concluded: Lolwers are the rulers of this world.

=================

Poornima said
Hmm...Very interesting post, and more interesting than that, are the comments. The post doesn't do great reading the first time. Actually, the idea of the numerals resembling a foetus is not appealing initially. The connection seems to be very far fetched. But after a little reflection and lots of discussion (as in the comments) it holds a wonderful picture and so much scope for innovative ideas... So, great!!! A very successful first serious blog I should say :D Yipppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

And, where did you get this info from?? Amazing. Hard to come up with connections, like you commented.. Whether or not this theory is true isn't important, but the whole idea of creativity behind it!! Hurufism, faces and shadows don't seem to appeal to me when faced against the wonderful parallel that the posted theory draws.. I don't even care if it is refutable...

'Beauty is truth, truth beauty, - that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.'

=================

Poornima said
I forgot to add, i'm glad the Mayan numerals aren't widely in use.. Or the Roman numerals for that matter.. I imagine it would take toooo much time to write long numbers!

=================

N said

Srinand,
Lol!
Poornima,
Thanks. Yes, the comments section is indeed more interesting! Everyone says so!I got the info from a Tamil book at home.
'I don't even care if it is refutable...'
Reminds me of this question by someone: "Who wants the truth if it is not interesting?"

=================

parseval said

(i) If you see this video, which is a collection of actual images, you'll notice that the chronological steps you've outlined are factually inaccurate, and one would require vivid imagination for the shape of the embryo to match with the arabic numerals (although the actual images are much more beautiful and astonishing, in my opinion).

(ii) There's no evidence (references, articles, citations) I can find, which tells me that early stage embroys were buried side by the human mothers. Neither can I find any evidence that people knew the shape of early stage embroys before the advent of imaging techniques.

(iii)N, also, there something I feel strongly about. If this whole post sounds harsh, I apologize. It's only a reflection on how strongly I feel about. One consequence of this theory, which doesn't have any supporting evidence, is that it promotes uncritical thinking. No matter how "beautiful" something is, that doesn't make it true. You need scientific/factual evidence for that.

"Wishing" something is true, because it seems "beautiful" or "too coincidental" doesn't mean it's true.

To verify any claim, you need documented, factual evidence. And in my opinion, I can't find any evidence supporting this theory, however fanciful or "beautiful" it may sound.

=================

N said

Parseval,
By (i), you have, I believe, finally brought the whole discussion to a close [assuming the 'actual images' are indeed actual]. I merely presented here what I read in an otherwise authentic book.
Regarding your second point, one person's search cannot be exhaustive, nor is it that every fact under the sun must necessarily be on the Net. Even ancient civilizations possessed knowledge of human anatomy -- so why not of foeti? It is only reasonable to say that curiosity would have driven people of science to take out the partly formed baby of a dead pregnant woman.
Point no. (iii). I apologize to having promoted 'uncritical thinking', but I didn't do it without 'supporting evidence': only the supporting evidence turns out to be false.
'No matter how....'
I guess from here onwards you were addressing Poornima. I too don't embrace her view a bit, although one of her statements reminded me of that quote.
Once again, I do have the documented, factual evidence you ask for, and I can of course show it to you [if you know to read your mother tongue] -- but your video has put my evidence in jeopardy.

Figuring It Out

Too much of satire, sarcasm and wordplay has gone into this blog. One of the outcomes is this bit of e-tête-à-tête...

AJ: Nah.. you are a joker :P

Nirmal: Lol
Joker is more like clown

AJ: I know.. double meaning intended

Nirmal: Being the joker is tragic da. Even if I say something serious, my branchmates and friends laugh.

AJ: lol
Oh, I think I just did it too

Now is the time to depart once in a while from my attempts at blogarithmic humour. My first step in the new direction went phut! when this transpired:

Nirmal: Tonight I am going to publish my first ever serious post!
Aashish: Lol!

I'll make him pay dearly for that. But later. Now let's begin. With the, as they say, basics.










We sow digits to reap whole mathematical theses. How did our Hindu-Arabic numerical digits get their shapes? We could have gone on with the more logical, easier-to-interpret Mayan system [above], but, adopted instead a set of seemingly originless, arbitrary symbols.
I was surprised to see that the Net doesn't throw light on the rationale behind the structure of our digits. And I did google adeptly. But I wasn't searching for my needle in the haystack for want of information -- I was trying to refresh my memory on it. A phone call put things in perspective.

Our digits have a bearing with the monthly stages of a human foetus.

1 -- In the first month of conception, the embryo resembles a short stick.
2 -- Development of the head in the second month is indicated by a curve on top.
3 -- Another curve is drawn below to depict the sprouting of the leg.
4 -- Nose.
5 -- Ear.
6 -- Nails surface in the sixth month of pregnancy.
7 -- The nervous and skeletal systems attain totality.
8 -- Upper and lower parts of the baby have grown fully.
9 -- The bundle of joy is all set to leave the womb.
10 -- Mother and child are separated.

The last one isn't convincing since '0' must have been explained and not '10'. Otherwise I buy it. Your turn to opine.

Prof-anity

This semester too, I have been blessed with professors from Mars. Each one of those stand-up artistes pleads, 'Write a post on me, write a post on me.'
I must oblige.

Slot D
If you've invented the phrase 'abject insipidity' and are waiting to wrap it on a suitable situation, look no more. Insomniacs, try Dr KMM. He surpasses professional sandmen. He must have held a powerful animal magnetism in his younger days with that periodic jerk of the side of his mouth against every third syllable. The twitch does attenuate at the tip of the lip -- it goes on to shake the entire cheek on the right-hand facet of the ovoid head, lending the man a touch of erudition where it isn't. On the first day of the semester, this religiously attendance-rule-abiding instructor from the Centre for Systems and Devices uttered his first and final quip: he expanded his block's initials to Centre for Sleeping and Dreaming. When a front bencher pointed out the dying of his voice at the tail of each sentence, he replied: 'Yes, I know I have that problem. I must do something to sort it out so that we av f sz ca e..

Slot F
A rustic goat-herder passing by the lecture would drop his forked stick and scram from the place, imagining the class to be haunted. To be sure, the professor doesn't perform ghost dances, but his usage of Windows Journal to learn the class chills the spine whenever the invisible hand writes on the screen. Far from technophilia, it is the need to instruct a classroom studented by no less than 140 lads and ladies that prompts Dr Shanti Pavan to favour the tablet pen over the chalk.
Electrical engineers have got to make numerous approximations in their analyses. They learn about linear networks and applications in half their courses, yet practical systems are non-linear. The department has thus conned them, alleged Dr Pawan. But a veterinarian, he went on to add, does not educate himself on the physiques of all bestial species. The dog is the prototype and the vet-to-be masters its anatomy. Ergo, when he is called to treat an elephant, he approximates it to a dog. Nothing wrong, argues the tonge-in-cheek Dr Pavan; after all, from a certain distance the elephant looks like a dog. The electrical engineer, he concluded, must take a leaf out of the dog-doc's book.

Slot E
Decades of chewing betel has rendered this man leather-tongued. As a result, his lectures serve as a true test of endurance. You will do worse by not lip-reading him. Our this typical government bureaucrat [as Srinand put it], who answers to the name VRK, declared on the first day that we nine were as his sons. And he proceeded to establish it: he commended Srinand's conduct for his indecisive 'As you wish, sir', showed his appreciation for replacing his chairs, and while we were still at his office, had us sit around his table with the air of a family discussion over dinner. Remind me to ask him for pocket money.

Slot B
Dr Pattabiraman stands out from the rest of the professing crew in that he is quite down-to-mars ['I am not an expert' is his catch-line] and doesn't find time to mow his beard. Besides persistently saying 'dabba' in box's stead, the young guru hasn't developed idiosyncrasies as yet. I like him.

Slot A
This person is a member of the faculty of IIT Madras. Let me put that differently. His name is Subramanian.
He revels in targeting students. He branded me impure upon hearing my name. He stared at me batting neither eyelid for a space of fifteen seconds in the name of demonstration. The other day he called me his enemy. As a thought experiment, he launched a waveguide missile at me. He gives you an impression that his hair has grown inwards and tinkered with his cerebrum. He isn't able to clot his anecdotes. He has shared a bench with a Pakistani Nobel Laureate. He has devoured the biographies of Modern Physics' architects and itches to recite them in class. He proudly declares, 'This course is not Quantum Mechanics. It is the History of Quantum Mechanics.' Nor does he spare wisdom-pearls. When Sriram, in the context of Young's Double Slit Experiment, advanced that the fringes were found everywhere, Dr Subbu had a repartee at the ready.
'Fringes are everywhere. God is everywhere. Fringes are God.'

Slot C
I have not yet gotten to know the gentleman. He bunked three successive classes in the week that's rolled by. I saw the pattern, and, telling myself that I'd rather burn the hour in my room, gave today's C a miss. But then surprises are always behind me like wicket-keepers. This one was nasty.

Slot G
'In Punjab they play support', said Dr Shreesh Chaudhry to elucidate on the regional nature of English pronunciation. He paused before he spelt the last word: 'S-P-O-R-T'.
'And in Patna it's isport,' continued the enchanting pedagogue, 'When I go to Bihar, which is my native place, I speak to them in Engleez. They don't understand English.' It was him that asked us to make the speech I've covered in the previous post. On international accents he said: "Australians pronounce day differently. They ask, 'Did you come here to die?' And New Zealanders, when they win, say 'Chairs!' "
I confess to liking this old man. His body language pleases the eye. Each articulation is crisp. His bosom unlocks infectious optimism. He drips charm. And true to his dept., he is a Britannica on legs. I look forward to his slots.

First Person Singular

Semi-impromptu speech at the Language Laboratory today:
[Speakers were asked to state their name, roll no. and hostel before proceeding to sound off about themselves for a minute, clocked by a postgrad with a bell.]

"I'm Nirmal Raj. My roll number is ep05b010 and I come from Saraswathi...
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
[I grin a little]
I occupy myself by reading Wodehouse, Isaac Asimov, Agatha Christie and R.K. Narayan.
I have a passion for doing crosswords and other word games including Scrabble.
I speak four languages. Namely, Thamizh, Marathi, Telugu and -- mm -- English.
[My right hand goes up and the left goes to my hip]
I am right-handed.
One most unforgettable incident in my life was when once in Sixth Class the principal slapped me at the school assembly after she apparently found me and a friend talking during her speech...
And that did not change me."