2008/08/12

The Devil's Glossary

[With due apologies to Mr Bierce.]

BTP
Stands for Bonded To Professor. The first step towards forgetting your Nobel dream.

DC++
As the name suggests, a programming language. You may sometimes skip compiling: everything is already compiled.

DKC
The ocean where many a freshman starts his voyage of ruin. Hence the name. (A clever homophone of Decay Sea.)

Faculty
A rock band that conducts five-day long concerts every week. Usually their lyrics are unintelligible; if you don't want to make meaning out of it, you may face the music.

Girl
A sparse but particularly deadly species of wolf in the campus. To protect the male population from its danger, access to its lair has been restricted. As further measures of safety, a separate feeding area has been built for them, and the academic zone and Central Library are placed nearest to them so that they don't trample across male territory. Despite these, thanks to statistical laws and peer pressure, by the end of the final year nearly every girl manages to pair up with an unsuspecting lad who had failed to see through the sheep-skin.

Grades
A special alphabet used to write your biography.

Himalaya
The largest tea-shop in the country. It also sells leather, vulcanized rubber, manure and various adhesives. Patrons are frequently seen putting these into their mouth, not unlike the deer that have learnt to swallow polythene.

Hostels
Gas stations that finally supply gas and not petrol. In order to use them to inflate your tyres, you need to enrol for work at one of them, where accommodation will be provided just behind the station. Your job will include generating the gas chiefly through, as the lingo goes, putting fart. Workers with extra gas, usually in their heads, tend to spend more time for their hostel than for themselves.

Internet
Obi-Wan Kenobi put it best --
'It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.'
Locally, the field is generated by the sun and the field lines curve in space before reaching and partly enveloping Earth. Hence at any given time, one-sixths of the planet's surface is not under its influence. This explains its absence in these regions from 0100 to 0500 hrs.

Internship
A commonly misspelt word for internment. The sentence can last upto twelve weeks, which can be reduced to six on grounds of good behaviour.

Open Air Theatre (OAT)
A flying saucer that crash-landed in the campus decades ago. You can hear the hoots and whistles of the aliens trapped in it when you visit it on Saturday nights. During Saarang, the OAT is converted into a circus where the spectator is on the stage and the clowns are all around.

PJ
A term to be uttered in a contemptuous tone when someone cracks a clever joke you didn't think of.

Quark
An elementary particle that, for all its incomplete quality, has abnormal charges.

Sitcom
Stands for 'situational comedy'. Everyone involved tends to make a buffoon out of (him/her)self and tries to imitate the actions of the rest of the cast. Usually a sitcom is aired in eight seasons, each having several 50-minute episodes followed by a few three-hour ones. The filming takes place before and between the episodes. Also known as 'BTech'.

Treat
A superstitious ritual, passed on by ancestors to the present generation, followed with unquestioning blindness by an otherwise scientific community. It is carried out at the conclusion of feats ranging from putting up a new status message to winning a Fields Medal.

Vindya Mess
Outlet of the drainpipe from Tifanys.

Workshop
A shopping mall constructed over a large area so that everyone can fit.

15 Obiter dicta:

Blogger Mohan K.V couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Sitcom, ah!

:-)

9:50 PM  
OpenID kaapiwrite couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Simply Awesome.

I was expecting an Orkut somewhere down the line.. :)

10:59 PM  
Blogger Leela couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Nice compilation!
PS: Cough! Extended lan ban.Cough!

3:46 PM  
Blogger Pranesh Srinivasan couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Buhrilliant Post! :)

10:32 PM  
Blogger Phoenix couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Nice :)

12:18 AM  
Blogger fiddlesticks couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Ruddy brilliant!

3:17 AM  
Blogger unni krishnan couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Four stars and a two-thumbs up: "Grades"

Three stars, two little fingers and my wiggling nose in the middle: "Sitcom"

Two stars and two middle fingers:
F for "Faculty"

A star and a misshapen toe:
"Girl"

The consolation treat, because I am out of funny fingers and tickling toes:
"Treat"

12:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

You have one amazing sense of humour :-)

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Vimal couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

er, the Anon comment was from me.

5:13 PM  
Blogger Ganesh V couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Sitcom.. level wonly !

2:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Grades were good
:)

- youprat

10:45 AM  
Blogger Kutraj couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

lol... The Quark thing was well said!

12:00 PM  
Blogger Vijay Shankar couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

I found this on my reader and was thinking Lit level in insti hasn't come down. I'm disappointed :(
Why must it be you?

3:56 PM  
Blogger I'm a gravy hanger !! couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

I hope to see a definition round like this in WTGW :-)

Sitcom definition was hilarious !

3:15 PM  
Blogger Full Of Life couldn't resist being opinionated thus:

Looved it! Esp the sitcoms...I also liked the bit on faculty!!! :D

7:15 PM  

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