Twice Bitten

[Author's note: The original is my favourite joke ever.]

Having lost his poetic touch,
W. B. Yeats works at a corporate office. A popular tabloid, finding that his fame has survived, telephones him and wonders if he would be kind enough to participate in a photo-session for their pages. Thrilled, he writes to his manager asking for (i) a day off and (ii) permission to attend the picture-taking.
In response, the manager informs, 'Both your requests need to be approved by a panda in the upper floor, specifically recruited for the purpose.'
'What! Why?', says W B.
'Look it up', replies the boss.
The former poet thumbs through the office catalogue to get wind of the job description of his mammalian colleague. Which reads thus:
"Panda: Yeats' shoots and leaves."

A robin glides into a café. She orders a sandwich, eats it, then starts telling a joke over and over again till everybody dies of boredom.
'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter, as the robin gets airborne exitward. She produces a badly punctuated ornithology manual and tosses it over her shoulder.
'Well, I'm a robin', she says, at the door. 'Look it up.'
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
'Robin: Many-coloured species of bird. Native to Europe and North America. Eats, bugs and flies.'


Dead Physicists Society

Yesterday a pal of mine passed on to me, by good old electronic post, a picture. It was a group snap of the attendees of Solvay Conference 5.0. The few seconds the lensman took to click are historic: everyone present, for once, looked at something from the same angle.

But straightaway my trained eye detected that this was a fake. Retouched, as they euphemized. Cowardly photoshopping of the Dark Room ages is how I see it. And so, for the rest of the evening, I spent all my vim on hunting the original down.
My efforts were met with fruit. I came in touch with Ms. Couprie, the great-granddaughter of the photographer. She had apparently had the master negatives developed, scanned, uploaded and desktopped. It took every oz. of my charm -- and a little threatening -- to wheedle her into dispatching a copy in my direction.
And thus, I present here the great tableau as the late Mr Couprie saw it.

In this version, you will notice these:

Lorentz is contracted.

The space occupied by Einstein is curved.

The camera captured Bragg's X-ray.

Dirac sits tallest, like a delta function.

Wherever she went, Curie listened to FM radio actively.

de Broglie waves.

Heisenberg's position is uncertain, a trait he carried to his grave.

Planck had a black body.

does u c cheezburger sticked outta scchrodinga's pockit, sez he lukin' 4 inspration frm any1 who can has it, lol.

Compton is scattered.

Pauli got himself excluded; it was his principle.